What is blog?

I’ve suddenly realised that this whole blog endeavour is basically a failure. When I started out, I was following my strictest blogging guidelines evar:

  • HAVE AN OPINION(people who blog have opinions! Eventually other people think their opinions are important and send them material things to review! That is the dream)
  • Post TWICE A DAY motherfucker
  • If you don’t post, DON’T EXPLAIN and DON’T APOLOGISE (this always makes me think of the back of the Daily Mail magazine, which I used to read when I was little and my parents were less informed, where Mrs Mills would answer your questions and there was a cartoon picture of her looking all grown-up and clever and sophisticated and under the picture it said ‘no correspondence will be entered into’, because she was just that kind of busy woman who was totally a real person with a life)

I still hate when blogs get going all quick and then turn to nothing but the occasional apology for not posting. I always feel that the effort you go to in order to post an apology should be better used to post a real, delicious post with nyammy interesting content, nyam nyam nyam, even if it is just something simple and quick, like a link to something awesome.

(Other redundant and irritating things on the internet: overly personal conversations over Twitter, cries for help in Facebook statuses, posting on a forum to announce you’re leaving said forum. This was a huge bracket that gave details and examples but I slayed it to death, mostly because I realise that I am Captain Arsehole about some things, and these are definitely some of them, and nobody wants to hear about it, so shut up, me.)

I should mention that I decided to set this thing up when I was going through a period of deeply oppressive misery, which was leading to a build-up of rage. Rage gave me the impetus to post all the freaking time for a WHOLE week. This was a time when I didn’t really have the free time to be doing it, but my RAGE propelled me forward like a VOLCANO FLAME GOD.

So now it’s better, I have a new job and am generally going through a period of relative calm, being able to afford things like a small holiday to Cornwall without weeping, that sort of thing, and the RAGE is gone, and instead there is only a weak creative urge to make something. I’m not very good at having opinions because I hate impassioned debate, i.e., defending myself, and I usually change my mind halfway through or try to change the subject, mostly by bringing the conversation round to food. I like posting nonsense, most of my life is made of of nonsense. And I have a bit more time now, but I’m still working, and I have to blog every day for work, so my word/brain-quota gets used up fairly quickly.

So I have this blog, which has a totally effing sweet name, so I can’t just abandon it like I did the ladybird which landed on my boob earlier. (For abandon, read ‘try to put five miles between me and it in the quickest way possible, which is fairly violent when in an office chair with wheels’.)

What would you like to see? Boneheaded stories of me making an ass of myself? Those happen a lot!



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7 responses to “What is blog?

  1. claire

    pretty sure that was the sunday times style section. there were no daily mail magazines in my upbringing!

    • o word up, you’re right. see, i talk heavy nonsense. getting the magazine wrong there was, if you like, meta-nonsense.

      these days i don’t even read the times. if i read any more of the guardian than i already do, i’m pretty sure i’d bleed museli.

  2. Well Danny Wallace seems to have turned “Boneheaded stories of me making an ass of myself” into a freesheet column, then a book, then a TV pilot or two (still waiting to see if it makes it into a whole series).

    I enjoyed your last post a lot. Reminded me of the glory days of Websnark. May be worth cross posting a link to the webcomics, or snarkoleptics livejournal communities if you plan to keep up on that topic.

    Speaking of Websnark, Eric eventually had at least three personal blogs. LJ for a personal journal, Websnark for non-fiction essays (usually on webcomics), and Banter Latte for fiction. Worth keeping in mind if you want to keep this a focused non-nonsense blog, but still feel the need to write silly stuff.

    My blog is appalling. Unfocused, and changes from diary one month, to book reviews the next, to nothing the next.

    • interesting point re danny wallace. as if to prove it were fate, my face is actually on the back of the first edition of join me (the taller trade paperback). boneheads: it was meant to be.

      my lj has devolved into a place solely for keeping up with a handful of friends, which is fine.

      i like your ‘lists of things i should write about’. they are full of promise!

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